Self-empathy is about developing a caring relationship with our emotions. When we learn to manage their intensity, we can show up as our best selves.
When I look back at moments that I am not proud of, I see myself:
. Withdrawing from what is important, only to see the consequences of avoidance build bigger overtime,
. Freezing only to feel regret for not manifesting my truth, for quieting down when my point-of-view was challenged. And then saw my silence interpreted as a change of mind, leading into the following troublesome pattern.
. Accepting something that I did not want, only to see my desire for harmony lead into disharmony with my values and lack of integrity.
Finally, I have snapped at others, losing sight of how much I really care for these relationships.
All of these moments share one thing in common: an internal experience of emotional intensity. No matter the feeling – fear, anxiety, anger – when intensity is too high, it tends to lead me to a behavior that I’ll later regret.
With regular self-empathy practice, I have become more intimate with the signs of this inner experience. A tense body, locked throat, suspended breath, fast beating heart, racing mind are all signs of emotional overwhelm ❤️🔥. They are trying to tell me that my capacity for skillful action is limited. Now the beauty of the word overwhelm is that it means both “to be totally absorbed by” as well as “to conquer”.
So when I catch myself flooded by my emotions, I know I can pivot towards conquering them & rescuing inner balance. Here are 3 strategies I use for that:
If the emotional intensity is high yet manageable, I take deeper breaths and ask myself:
🦉What would my wisest self do?
I bring these actions to the forefront.
When intensity is overboard, I know I need space to contemplate on the best response. I am rewiring myself to put a pause on reaction, and replace it with a request:
✋“I want to consider this more carefully, let me get back to you later”
I also use these words to melt away a freeze state, and break through paralyzing silence. For rewiring to happen, it helps to have a sentence you can repeat over & over.
If I am leaning towards withdrawal or avoidance, I ask myself:
🤔What will be the consequences of not addressing this issue?
Realizing the bigger pain ahead helps me regain courage, and switch from “run away from” to “move towards to”.
These are some of the ways I wish I knew before, and feel called to share. I try my best to use them when emotional overwhelm comes by. Progress is not linear, and sometimes I still fall back. Nevertheless, overtime, I am seeing myself reacting less, and responding wisely more.
Emotional overwhelm is part of our human experience. And yet, for the sake of our own well-being, and that of our relationships, we don’t need to act right away from it.
If you have any challenges or other strategies let us know. I want to share this journey of welcoming our humanness & growing wiser with you.
